assalamualaikum,
i'm here again. sunyi. alone and i need someone to talk actually but i truly didn't want people to know about my problem. hah? as complicated as that hehe, i nak bercerita tapi taknak details and trust me if we curhat dengan somebody mesti dia akan bengang kalau cerita tak habis kan? so better i will leave all my keluh kesah here. takde orang marah and i dont need to be awkward after i luahkan semua yang i rasa.
last 2 days, i keep browsed my blog, picture, when i was travelling till the first picture me with him when our first met. you know the feeling, when you asked god why? why god put me in this situation, why cant i only have sweet life and the memories will be the most memories ever conpared to what i was felt right now. sometimes i feel likes i really dont know where to start, what should i do, should i keep all of this or i need to delete and removed them from mylife. i sayangkan memories i but sometime this memories its killing me.
i wish i was not in this situation, this is not me and not mylife, tapi Allah dah takdirkan hidup i macam ni, apalah daya i nak menolak takdir yang Allah tetapkan. i know Allah sayangkan sebab tu Allah duga i macam ni, tapi dah 4 bulan. i still cant move on, sometimes i okay, sometimes i was not but i truly hide my feeling sebab i taknak my mom risau. deep inside of me, the scar still bleeding, and will keep bleeding till when, i pun tak pasti.
i berdoa setiap hari, dengan harapan Allah beri i kekuatan untuk melupakan semua ini, i tahu Allah dah rancangkan yang lebih baik buat i, mungkin bukan macam apa yang i nak, tapi apa yang i perlu. Allah maha mengetahui tiap yang ghaib dan tersembunyi compared to manusia yang cuma tahu luaran tidak pada dasarnya.
i akui i sunyi and i missed my old me. orang yang sentiasa ketawa, yang sentiasa positive and selalu tak mudah mengalah but i learned alot within 4 months ni, i belajar yang i tak patut bergantung dengan oranglain tambah2 lagi berkaitan dengan hidup because once they gone, they took together your life with them, and i lost mylife actually. even its totally hard and hurts i will insyaAllah, i will wake up and fight back even i only have myself. i should love myself more than others, i should rely on Allah than others and i should dekatkan diri dengan Allah dalam apa jua situation. i know this dugaan is one of the kifarah dosa yang i buat, i terima sebab Allah tak biar lama, tak biar i jauh, Allah tarik i balik dekat Dia saat sekarang.
i am so pity to him sebab masih hanyut, masih tak tunduk dengan kuasa Allah. tak apalah, i still ada Allah, biarkan apa orang nak cakap, orang nak anaiya and khianati + zalim dengan i, Allah ada, setiap perbuatan kita di dunia ni baik buruk atau baik, Allah akan bagi rewards untuk kita. kalau kita sekarang kat atas tak semestinya kita akan sentiasa di atas, satu hari bila Allah tarik nikmat kita baru kita sedar sebenarnya hidup itu macam roda. kadang2 di atas kadang2 di bawah.
till then.
i'm here again. sunyi. alone and i need someone to talk actually but i truly didn't want people to know about my problem. hah? as complicated as that hehe, i nak bercerita tapi taknak details and trust me if we curhat dengan somebody mesti dia akan bengang kalau cerita tak habis kan? so better i will leave all my keluh kesah here. takde orang marah and i dont need to be awkward after i luahkan semua yang i rasa.
last 2 days, i keep browsed my blog, picture, when i was travelling till the first picture me with him when our first met. you know the feeling, when you asked god why? why god put me in this situation, why cant i only have sweet life and the memories will be the most memories ever conpared to what i was felt right now. sometimes i feel likes i really dont know where to start, what should i do, should i keep all of this or i need to delete and removed them from mylife. i sayangkan memories i but sometime this memories its killing me.
i wish i was not in this situation, this is not me and not mylife, tapi Allah dah takdirkan hidup i macam ni, apalah daya i nak menolak takdir yang Allah tetapkan. i know Allah sayangkan sebab tu Allah duga i macam ni, tapi dah 4 bulan. i still cant move on, sometimes i okay, sometimes i was not but i truly hide my feeling sebab i taknak my mom risau. deep inside of me, the scar still bleeding, and will keep bleeding till when, i pun tak pasti.
i berdoa setiap hari, dengan harapan Allah beri i kekuatan untuk melupakan semua ini, i tahu Allah dah rancangkan yang lebih baik buat i, mungkin bukan macam apa yang i nak, tapi apa yang i perlu. Allah maha mengetahui tiap yang ghaib dan tersembunyi compared to manusia yang cuma tahu luaran tidak pada dasarnya.
i akui i sunyi and i missed my old me. orang yang sentiasa ketawa, yang sentiasa positive and selalu tak mudah mengalah but i learned alot within 4 months ni, i belajar yang i tak patut bergantung dengan oranglain tambah2 lagi berkaitan dengan hidup because once they gone, they took together your life with them, and i lost mylife actually. even its totally hard and hurts i will insyaAllah, i will wake up and fight back even i only have myself. i should love myself more than others, i should rely on Allah than others and i should dekatkan diri dengan Allah dalam apa jua situation. i know this dugaan is one of the kifarah dosa yang i buat, i terima sebab Allah tak biar lama, tak biar i jauh, Allah tarik i balik dekat Dia saat sekarang.
i am so pity to him sebab masih hanyut, masih tak tunduk dengan kuasa Allah. tak apalah, i still ada Allah, biarkan apa orang nak cakap, orang nak anaiya and khianati + zalim dengan i, Allah ada, setiap perbuatan kita di dunia ni baik buruk atau baik, Allah akan bagi rewards untuk kita. kalau kita sekarang kat atas tak semestinya kita akan sentiasa di atas, satu hari bila Allah tarik nikmat kita baru kita sedar sebenarnya hidup itu macam roda. kadang2 di atas kadang2 di bawah.
till then.